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Friends….What Benefits ?

Lets be real. We’ve all done it or tried to do it. Sex with no feelings attached with someone we know. Wether its to get over a break up or just because you’re not ready for a new commitment we go and take this route. “Friends with benefits” as its often referred to is just simply sleeping with someone you consider a friend but not in a serious relationship with. Casual sex if you wanna call it that. Emotionless relations with someone that you don’t even care about. Or if we care about them we want all the relationship perks without the actual commitment.

From my personal experience I’ve realized that theres so many things I could have done differently. So I made a list of 5 Dos and Don’ts that I feel like anyone who’s currently in or thinking about being in a FWB relationship should consider.

DO PROTECT YOURSELF – This goes beyond the whole “use condoms & get tested” speech that your friends may give you. Besides that, its important to protect your feelings and emotions and not allow yourself to get caught up in anything said in the heat of the moment. The whole purpose of the relationship is to have someone to hook up with. Nothing more unless y’all agreed upon something different.

DON’T FEEL COMPELLED TO SLEEPOVER – Once its all said and done its okay to just go home. Cuddling and pillow talking only leads to feelings getting involved. As my friend Melody would say “Don’t get under the covers, its a trap”. All that means is, cuddling is intimate and it could make one or both of you feel things that you didn’t intend to feel.

DON’T ENCOURAGE YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO HANG OUT WITH THEM- This one is pretty much self explanatory. If this is someone you have no intentions on being with in the long run, why introduce them to the people that matter ? When its all over you never wanna hear your mom or best friend ask “so what happened to so & so”. It could open old wounds (especially if it ended badly) and make you relive something that you’re trying to forget.

DO KEEP IT IN THE BEDROOM- meaning if a hook up or casual sex is all you want, leave it right there. Going out for links and drinks can only complicate things further and lead one or both of you into thinking its something more. If y’all are just hooking up, leave it at that.

Which leads me to the most important rule of them all:

DON’T CONVINCE YOURSELF THE RELATIONSHIP IS MORE THAN WHAT IT IS- don’t get confused. When you initially entered the FWB relationship y’all mutually decided that this was all it was going to be. No matter how hard you try not to, one or both parties tend to catch feeling and potentially begin to fall in love. A lot of the time its unavoidable if you’re doing the above mentioned things. Most times its not always the woman who falls in love. But if you’re hooking up with someone and they made it very clear that you’re only a booty call to them, don’t try and convince yourself otherwise. You’re only going to hurt yourself in the long run.

I personally feel like FWB relationship always end badly. Its kind of like how I feel about side chicks. The outcome is never what you think or want it to be. If you do end up spending time with the person and developing actual feelings, you could end up losing a friend. So just think to yourself “is the sex worth losing a good friend over?” A lot of the time its not. But if you insist on jumping into one of these relationships, keep the Dos & Don’ts in the front of your mind and save yourself the heartbreak.

– The Not So Precious Gem

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Lifestyle · Uncategorized

The Truth About Side Chicks

Over the last few years, the media has glorified being a side chick. In music, movies and television, it seems like its okay to be someone’s number 2. Now we all know somebody that knows somebody, or is that somebody who has been a “side chick.” Personally I don’t like the term but for the sake of this post I’ll use it. Let me make one thing clear, I’m very honest. So yes I’ll admit that I have played the side on one or two occasions. There aren’t many people who will say that they’ve played the side for someone. Or will say that they’ve tried to break up a relationship. (I honestly feel like if something was real it can’t be broken. Tested maybe, but never broken.)

But yes, I Domonique Diamond was a side chick. Now I’m not bragging or boasting about it. It was just a situation that started out so innocent and I ended up getting caught up. The one thing I did eventually learn was there’s nothing cute about being a side chick. Everything is always fun and games in the beginning because the excitement from sneaking around…but then reality hits. Emotions get involved and then someone if not everyone is left hurt. You find yourself wanting to make your newly found love public, but you can’t because they’re already public with someone else. For me, I was so infatuated with the person I was creeping with, I didn’t care about the person they were in a relationship with.  It wasn’t any of my business. I didn’t make a commitment with them. So why should I have cared. My thought process was so childish, but its sad to say that there are people who think exactly like this. Nothing mattered to me but my feelings which eventually got super hurt.

What sparked this topic for me was a post I saw on twitter. It was something along the lines of “you can’t wreck a home if you weren’t let in.” I honestly feel like this is true though. If your significant other never opened the door for the “side chick” how did they get in the picture. Now lets not front ladies, sometimes we’re so persistent that no girlfriend is gonna stop us from getting what we want. Whether its simple conversation or a nightcap we’re always determined to get the “prize”. What it ultimately comes down to is you have to check your partner. You can’t be out here mad at the next woman because your man out here in her face and entertaining her.  Men you guys aren’t exempt from this either. You guys claim to be so happy in your relationships but forever sneaking and creeping and sliding in the next girls DMs. Contrary to popular belief you CAN’T have your cake and eat it too. It just doesn’t work that way.

But let me bring it back to the “side chicks”. You ladies knowingly jump into a situationship with someone and then catch feelings about everything. You end up mad about everything him and his girlfriend post on any social media. Not to mention you go out of your way to stalk the girlfriends page so you have something to bring up in the group chat. (we all have one and we all do it lol) To be honest, I was that person. Anytime anything was posted I was quick to screenshot and send to my girls. Then I would make sure to have a slick comment to say when I spoke to him. I would be so hurt behind it all because I wanted it to be me. I knew what I was getting myself into, but did it really matter? Eventually I had to give myself the only reality check. I had to ask myself so many times why did I continue to trip about someone who had someone?

I say all that to say this, we as women need to value ourselves a little more. We forever have to remind ourselves to never settle and be comfortable being someones number 2. If he can’t give you his all, you have to walk away and give him NOTHING! We also have to remember nobody can’t wreck your home if they weren’t invited in. Its just time for everyone to find their own bae (lol) because being out here trying to sleep with someone in a relationship is only going to build up bad karma for you and leave you heartbroken.

Final word of advice: playing the side, being number 2, the other woman, the side chick whatever you want to call it, NEVER WORKS OUT IN THE END. Save yourself the heartbreak and leave that man alone.

-The Not So Precious Gem