Toxic Relationships…

Have you ever met someone and they instantly took your breath away ? I mean you fell completely in love at first sight, and as time passed it felt like you met your soul mate? Everything was so perfect and you actually felt so safe and secure and you knew this was it ? Then one day it was like a switch flipped and your perfect bubble of peace and happiness turned out to be hell on earth. When it’s all over, said and done, you think back and realize that there were signs you should have picked up on. Things that in hindsight you should have noticed was leading to the ultimate demise of your once perfect relationship. Here are 5 signs *obviously there’s more but these are my 5* that you’re in a toxic relationship and you need to get out and move on.

It’s All GIVE, NO TAKE– You realize that you’re the one giving 100% of everything. No matter what it is, it’s always you giving and never getting the same energy reciprocated. There’s no compromising. Whether it’s time, money etc.. no relationship should be one person doing everything. It’ll leave you drained and feeling like you did nothing but waste time.

THERE’S A LACK OF TRUST– Lemme let y’all in a on a secret. If you don’t have trust in ANY relationship it’s not gonna go anywhere. You can stay in a relationship with no trust but I promise you, it won’t flourish into anything !! Been there done that and never again. If you can’t trust the person you’re with, you need to seriously evaluate why you’re even with them.

THEY’RE UNRELIABLE– They make plans with you and cancel at the last-minute. (Or don’t show up at all). They have hit you with every excuse in the book as to why they couldn’t see you or hang out. Even when it’s plans made in advance or something important, they forever leave you hanging and never make it. Eventually you’ll realize that everything and anything takes precedence over you. Trust me, it won’t get better. Once they start curving you more often than not, just leave. The disappointment you feel isn’t worth it.

YOUR FRIENDS/ FAMILY DON’T LIKE THEM – Now honestly I debated with this one. On one hand, when we’re in love with someone we don’t care if anyone likes them or not. Our opinion is the only one that matters. But lately I’ve noticed when everyone in your circle says the same thing about them, you should take note. They obviously see things that you’re too blind to see. If you find yourself avoiding talking about your relationship to your friends and family or even bringing your partner around, think about why. Everyone isn’t gonna say the same thing for no reason.

And last but not least,

THEY REFUSE TO CHANGE – That whole “It’s just the way I am” is a bunch of bullshit. When people want something to work, they find ways to make it work. Don’t let anyone tell you that they’ve been this way or you knew what you was getting into. If he/she refuses to acknowledge the things that are hurting you or even attempt to change them, you need to go. It’s not gonna get any better.

Honestly, I’ve been here more times than I can count. I never saw the signs until it was too late. Being able to see a situation for what it is, and accept that it isn’t going to change is a blessing. I know it may seem hard to just leave something that you invested your time and energy into. But trust me there’s always something better around the corner. Don’t settle because of the amount of time you spent with someone. Toxic is toxic period. Always remember to stay true to your values and who you are. The sooner you remove yourself from this relationSHIT, you’ll be able to find the person that is meant for you.

Lifestyle · Uncategorized

Outgrowing Friendships & Why Its Okay…

Throughout life we make friends. It’s almost impossible not to. We tend to gravitate towards people who are just like us. Or even people who are our complete opposites. Even the most anti social person on this planet has a circle of friends that they confide in and turn to when things go wrong. But sometimes life has a way of showing you who your real friends are. Not everyone is going to stick by you through everything. Situations are either going to pull you together or break you apart. But one thing I did notice, as we get older our friends change. We may have a few from childhood that are still around, but ultimately everything changes. Let me tell you why:

YOU’RE GOING IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS– Friendships tend to lose their spark once you don’t hold the same interest or values anymore. Sometimes the people you meet during a certain time in your life are supposed to just stay there. The friendship has served its purpose and it’s time to just let it go. If you guys were meant to be friends, your paths will cross again and everything will fall into place. But until then, walk away with the same happy feelings you had move on.

YOU WEREN’T REALLY FRIENDS TO BEGIN WITH – you were just acquaintances. We tend to give the wrong people the “friend” title when it wasn’t really a friendship to begin with. Actual friendships take years of sacrifice, fights and sharing anything and everything about each other. That’s what a real friendship is. If you just hang out with the same people, party and go out drinking, or text faithfully in the group chat, and thats where it ends, NEWSFLASH thats not your friend ! They don’t know what makes you cry when you’re alone. They don’t know how to deal with you when you’re angry, They aren’t someone you would get out of bed for at 3am. etc.  They were just an acquaintance, Not a friend. Let’s stop confusing the two.

THERE’S NO EFFORT BEING MADE – Friendships, just like relationships require some type of effort. Not just making plans and flopping the day of. It requires mutually being there for each other when the sun is shining bright or when the rain won’t stop. It takes work to keep the friendship strong and alive. As we get older and we go into different places in lives and our circles expand and it’s almost impossible to remain friends with everyone you considered a friend. It’s a great thought at first but sometimes other things/people will take precedence over others. If you try to give yourself to everyone you’ll never have time for yourself. In the end you have to make a decision as to who you want around for the long haul and who doesn’t make the cut.

THERE’S GRUDGES BEING HELD – humans can be the most pettiest people alive. No one is perfect and sometimes you or your friends are gonna fuck up and make a mistake (something done once is a mistake anytime after that is a choice BUT WHATEVER..) but sometimes your friends just can’t get over it. Everyone has a breaking point. Sometimes you’ll stop speaking to someone over something small or something big. It all depends on what you feel at the moment. But if the are someone you really consider a friend, why end the friendship over something that can be talked through. Communication is the key in any relationship, friendships included. We shouldn’t lose friends because we aren’t able to communicate effectively what we didn’t like. We’re human. Forgive and move on.

Obviously there are more reasons why we lose friendships as we grow older. But honestly sometimes it’s for the best.I haven’t always been the perfect friend, but thats okay. At every point in your life you are changing and growing. If the people around you aren’t helping contribute to the person you are trying to become, then they can go. Not everyone is meant to be down for the ride. Always remember to never compromise your values for anyone and stay true to whoever you are.

Comment below on reasons why you ended friendships, or left friendships.


What To Do For You In 2017

It’s a new year ! For me, a new year is like a new beginning. When the ball drops its a new opportunity to be better than you were in the previous year. Like most people, I set a few new years resolutions. And like most people I’ve given up on one or two already. But one thing I did notice last year, was that I put way too many people and things before myself. I was catering to everything but me and this year I decided that was going to change. I also feel like a lot of my friends went through this as well. So I compiled a list of a few things you should do for yourself this year.

STOP DOING THINGS YOU HATE – Doing things you hate literally drains you. Whether its the job you hate going to or the people you hate being around, just STOP ! Take some time, look for a new job, find some new friends and go do things you enjoy.

FIND A HOBBY – Take that cooking class, go to the dance workshop, pick up that pencil and start sketching. Whatever it may be, find something you love to do and do it !

STOP CARING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLES OPINIONS – My mother always used to tell me that as long as you’re alive people are going to talk about you. Even when you die they’re still going to have something to say. So fuck it and fuck them. Who cares what anyone has to say about how you live YOUR life ! I promise once you stop caring about what people are going to think/say if/when you do something, your life will be so much better.

TRAVEL MORE – Invest in a passport ! It will be the best thing you can do. There is so much too see in this world. So many museums, malls, music, food, clubs, culture etc. to experience. Yes I know that traveling cost money so make a plan to save money. Whether its a trip to the next state or half way across the world, its worth experiencing. So call your bae, get your friends, or gather your family (the ones you can tolerate anyway) and plan your dream trip. I swear the world is bigger than Brooklyn and Miami.

READ MORE – Books are more accessible now. There’s Kindles, Ebooks, and your cell phone has an APP for you to download books from. You can read on your commute to work, during your lunch break or to wind down before bed. Last year I was able to read 14 books. (My personal goal was to read at least 1 book a month, this year it has increased to 2 books but we’ll see lol). Pick up a book and educate yourself on a topic you don’t know anything about, or learn more about something you have an interest in. Get lost in a really good book and escape reality for a while.

SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF – Sometimes we encounter situations where we wish we would have spoken up or done something differently. Or when people try to peer pressure you into things. It’s okay to say No and not explain why. You really have to stop letting people walk all over you. Remember that what you allow is what will continue.

GET RID OF TOXIC FRIENDS AND FAMILY – We have those people in our lives that constantly put us down or make us feel bad about ourselves. Or try and judge everything we set out to do. Or even discourage us from doing the things we love ! Tell them to fuck off. It’s okay I swear. We have to stop letting toxic people get in our heads. These people aren’t your friends, and honestly you don’t have to deal with them if they’re your family either. Negative people will always be around and its up to you to not let them be. Do a social media cleanse, get rid of the “frenemies” , or even the people you don’t like. No need to keep them around. The only people you need around you are the people that want to be, the people that push you, and motivate you to be better. Let everyone else watch your glow up from a distance. #PositiveVibesOnly

last but not least

BE HAPPY – I know it’s easier said than done, but this is the most important. One thing I learned from last year is that you have to be your own happiness. No one can be that for you. People are disappointments sometimes and the quicker you learn that another human can’t be the source of your happiness (besides your child/ren) you’ll understand. Smile more. Laugh at corny jokes. Be more honest with your opinions and just speak your truth. It’s okay to be unapologetically you !!

These are just a few simple things you can do for yourself over the course of this year and even years to come. As I said in the beginning you have to put yourself before everything and everyone. Be selfish with you, your time, your feelings, and whatever else. Let it be all about you 2017 !

– The Not So Precious Gem


New Year..Same Domonique !

2016 was honestly a very challenging, trying and testing year for me. The bad did outweigh the good. But I made it through. I lost friends. I learned so much about myself, but I didn’t really accomplish the things I set out to at the beginning of the year. Let’s take a moment to reflect.

If y’all know me personally then you know I’m such a drama queen. I’m super dramatic and I probably over react to little things. I’m super stubborn and a lot of the time if it’s not my way I don’t want to do it lol. My main goal for 2016 was to be more self aware and let’s just say I really learned a lot about myself. Over the course of the year I really got to know me and fell in love with the person I’ve become. In my 24 years of life this was the one year that I learned so much about who I really am.

In 2016 I wanted to be in a relationship. I did date someone over this year and trust me that was the most emotional rollercoaster I’ve ever been on. Extremely emotional ! But some of the best memories I had in 2016 was because of them, so it wasn’t all bad. Not sure where the new year will take us but that’s the beauty of it all. Ima be honest with you guys. Like most people, I give the greatest advice, but can’t take my own. In previous post, I gave y’all rules about Friends with benefits &’ side chicks but I participated in both. I mean that’s why I was able to write about it (lol). But one thing I did notice, relationships are hard work ! They aren’t something to take lightly. This year I just wasn’t ready for all of that. But I’m optimistic about what 2017 will bring in the relationship department.

It wasn’t all bad though. I’ve most certainly had some good times. My family is in good health. My mom was able to buy a house. I got to travel thanks to my amazing Grandmother. My aunt Neva and I are closer than ever. I went to see Rihanna in concert thanks to my little Imani. My Line Sister Tsunami and I had so many amazing bonding moments that solidified the bond we already had. My Sister Jazz and I crossed our first line together, which introduced me to my amazing Little Tiara &’ my adorable Grandlittle Alley. MGC &’ YOT are still going strong &’ Team Pree has made it another year to slay.

Most of all I started my blog ! With the push of my fave Kandi and my WT Titan my dream of writing and actually getting people to read it, became a reality. I’ve had some amazing support so far and I know that 2017 will only be better. More success and more blunt and honest content for you guys. I appreciate every single person who takes the time out to read and share my post. In this coming year I will be putting out bigger and better and giving you guys the real !

My only resolution for 2017 is to find the silver lining in everything. To promote more positive vibes and smile more. To only cry happy tears and to leave any situation that isn’t bringing me happiness. Most of all it’s to put me before anything else.

So goodbye 2016 and hello 2017 ! I’m beyond ready for you.

What are some of your New Years resolutions ?
Feel free to comment below and share !


They Cheated..Now What?

Let’s be honest… well no. Let me be honest. I have had my fair share of relationships, situationships and all around whatever with people. I’m not gonna bash any of my ex’s in this post but they may feel a way of they read this. Oh well (lol). Now I’ve been cheated on (I’ve also done the cheating – I’m not perfect but whatever) probably more times than I can even remember. My problem is that I’m too forgiving. Always believing in second, third, fourth, even fifteen chances. But what happens when you can’t move past the Infidelity. From my experience (as I mentioned before I can only give you guys the real) I’ve come up with a few ways to get over a cheating partner.

DON’T WASTE TIME TRYING TO GET EVEN – this should be the most obvious. If you decide to stay, what’s the point. You cheating on your partner isn’t going to make you feel better (trust me I know). You waste so much time trying to make them hurt like you did, or make them feel the same pain of betrayal that you felt. It doesn’t make anything any easier.

If you decide to leave, again what’s the point. You’re leaving the relationship anyway, So why try and get even. You may think that by sleeping with their friend or someone close to them, that you may walk away feeling better. But honestly it makes you just as wack as they are for cheating. Just move on with your dignity in tact and level up. Make sure your next is better than your ex. That’s the best revenge you could ever get !

DON’T BLAME YOURSELF  – This is the most important. Its not your fault that they cheated. There’s nothing wrong with you! It’s easy to feel like something you did caused them to step out with someone else. Honestly if they cheated, chances are they needed no reason to do so except that THEY WANTED TO. The sooner you can understand this, it’ll make the healing process go quicker. Accept what happened, distance yourself from them until you get your emotions under control and then decide whats next.

Also don’t blame the person your partner cheated with. Your first instinct is to blame them and divert all your anger to them but honestly it’s not their fault. A lot of the time the person didn’t even know about you. But even if they did, they didn’t make a commitment to you. Your partner did. So all the anger and hurt should be directed towards them.

DON’T LET OTHERS INFLUENCE YOUR DECISION – Whether you choose to stay in your relationship or leave it alone, it’s up to you. Not your partner. Not your family. Not your friends. The decision is yours and yours alone to make. Now you’re not wrong for opening up to your circle of friends or bringing it up in the group chat to get your girls opinions. But do remember that once you tell everyone your business you allow them to have an opinion on the situation. Also remember that your friends and family want what’s best for you, but only you know what’s the best thing to do for you !

Last but not least

FORGIVE THEM !!!!!!! – this is one of the most important things that you can do for you as well. If you decide to stay, forgiveness is not going to come overnight. It’s going to take a while before all that hurt and anger is gone. But if you do decide to continue your relationship, you have to actually forgive them. Not bringing it up whenever you get into an argument. Not trying to make them jump through hoops to make things okay. You have to actually give them a chance to gain your trust back and make your relationship stronger.

If you decide to leave, you still have to forgive them. Holding on to all that hurt is only going to hinder your next relationship. That’s a set of baggage you don’t need to carry with you. Forgive them and move on and be better.

Honestly it took me a while to get over my ex who cheated. I thought I was over it when I really wasn’t. I prematurely forgave him when I wasn’t ready too. I thought that things would have been able to go back to how it was before everything happened but that wasn’t true. Although there is more to the story, I know what not to do next time. But hopefully now you do too.

Leave a comment below and let me know what steps you took if you were ever in this situation.


Friends With Your Ex ?

We’ve all been there. In limbo. Debating whether we should stay friends after a break up. Letting go is never an easy thing. To ease the pain of a breakup, we consider being friends with our now ex. I personally feel like once you truly love someone it’s hard to just go back to being friends with them. Sometimes feelings don’t die as easily as we wish they did. So let me tell y’all, when you break up with someone (even if it’s a neutral break up) it’s best to cut all ties unless you plan on opening that door again. Here’s why,

YOU NEED SPACE – jumping straight into a friendship after a breakup isn’t going to help the healing process. You need to give yourself time away from your ex and get back to yourself. No matter how long the relationship was, it’s important to get back to a happy medium and grieve your relationships end. You’ve become so used to being a couple, that you have to relearn how to be an individual. It’s hard to do that when you’re still trying to be cordial. Texting and calling each other right away may also seem like a good idea. But it’s not. Give each other some space and then decide if a friendship is what’s best.

JEALOUSY WILL BE A THING – even if you guys decide to be friends there will be boundaries that will have to be set. You’re not going to want to hear about the new person in your ex’s life and vice Versa. Someone will get jealous and that’s pretty normal. If you guys been together for a while seeing them with someone else or even talking about someone else will make that little green monster rear it’s ugly head.

SOMEONE WILL WANT MORE – you may think that by being friends, things will remain strictly platonic. However if your ex does decide to move on and get with someone else, in the back of your mind you may still want another chance. You’ll make every attempt to win them back because that door was never really closed. But the reality is, staying friends was just a nice gesture on their end and they obviously want to move on with someone who isn’t you. Sorry not sorry.

MIXED FEELINGS – when you guys were together you saw all the wrong in your ex. Reasons why you guys broke up and what not. But being friends with them allows you to go back and see all the good in them. Things you may have not noticed before about them. It’ll make you think “why did I ever break up with such a good person” and blah blah blah. All it does is confuse your feelings for them and makes it easier to backslide into whatever it was that you guys had. Don’t let loneliness get you caught up.

YOU WILL HAVE SEX – Lets be real. As I’ve mentioned before, feelings and attraction don’t die as easily as we think they do. Being friends with your ex and going out for links and drinks will almost always have you guys ending up in bed together. It’s really hard to stay platonic friends with someone that you’ve had all these feelings for. ESPECIALLY sexual ones ! Don’t just be an easy piece of ass for them. Ignore the booty call phone calls and move on. Its super cliche but theres so many more fish in the sea. You could toss that one back in the water and pick a new one.

and last but not least

YOU HAVE OTHER FRIENDS – Its so unnecessary to be friends with your ex because you have other friends. You have your school friends, work friends, and whoever else. And lets be real, why would you wanna be friends with someone who broke your heart in the first place ? Some friend right. But no seriously its so pointless. The relationship ended for a reason. There’s no point into holding on to something that doesn’t wanna be held onto. To be honest, the only reason you should really stay friends with your ex is if y’all have kids together and what not. Other than that its completely okay to cut all ties forever.

Seriously we have to stop going backwards and leaving doors open and things unsaid. It doesn’t do anyone any good to keep revisiting old feelings and memories that are attached to your old relationship. Take this time to heal and get over everything that has happened and as I said make new friends. Explore and get back to yourself after a breakup. Don’t depend on your friendship with your ex to help you get over them. Save yourself the heartbreak and move on.

-The Not So Precious Gem


Friends….What Benefits ?

Lets be real. We’ve all done it or tried to do it. Sex with no feelings attached with someone we know. Wether its to get over a break up or just because you’re not ready for a new commitment we go and take this route. “Friends with benefits” as its often referred to is just simply sleeping with someone you consider a friend but not in a serious relationship with. Casual sex if you wanna call it that. Emotionless relations with someone that you don’t even care about. Or if we care about them we want all the relationship perks without the actual commitment.

From my personal experience I’ve realized that theres so many things I could have done differently. So I made a list of 5 Dos and Don’ts that I feel like anyone who’s currently in or thinking about being in a FWB relationship should consider.

DO PROTECT YOURSELF – This goes beyond the whole “use condoms & get tested” speech that your friends may give you. Besides that, its important to protect your feelings and emotions and not allow yourself to get caught up in anything said in the heat of the moment. The whole purpose of the relationship is to have someone to hook up with. Nothing more unless y’all agreed upon something different.

DON’T FEEL COMPELLED TO SLEEPOVER – Once its all said and done its okay to just go home. Cuddling and pillow talking only leads to feelings getting involved. As my friend Melody would say “Don’t get under the covers, its a trap”. All that means is, cuddling is intimate and it could make one or both of you feel things that you didn’t intend to feel.

DON’T ENCOURAGE YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO HANG OUT WITH THEM- This one is pretty much self explanatory. If this is someone you have no intentions on being with in the long run, why introduce them to the people that matter ? When its all over you never wanna hear your mom or best friend ask “so what happened to so & so”. It could open old wounds (especially if it ended badly) and make you relive something that you’re trying to forget.

DO KEEP IT IN THE BEDROOM- meaning if a hook up or casual sex is all you want, leave it right there. Going out for links and drinks can only complicate things further and lead one or both of you into thinking its something more. If y’all are just hooking up, leave it at that.

Which leads me to the most important rule of them all:

DON’T CONVINCE YOURSELF THE RELATIONSHIP IS MORE THAN WHAT IT IS- don’t get confused. When you initially entered the FWB relationship y’all mutually decided that this was all it was going to be. No matter how hard you try not to, one or both parties tend to catch feeling and potentially begin to fall in love. A lot of the time its unavoidable if you’re doing the above mentioned things. Most times its not always the woman who falls in love. But if you’re hooking up with someone and they made it very clear that you’re only a booty call to them, don’t try and convince yourself otherwise. You’re only going to hurt yourself in the long run.

I personally feel like FWB relationship always end badly. Its kind of like how I feel about side chicks. The outcome is never what you think or want it to be. If you do end up spending time with the person and developing actual feelings, you could end up losing a friend. So just think to yourself “is the sex worth losing a good friend over?” A lot of the time its not. But if you insist on jumping into one of these relationships, keep the Dos & Don’ts in the front of your mind and save yourself the heartbreak.

– The Not So Precious Gem