We’ve all been there. In limbo. Debating whether we should stay friends after a break up. Letting go is never an easy thing. To ease the pain of a breakup, we consider being friends with our now ex. I personally feel like once you truly love someone it’s hard to just go back to being friends with them. Sometimes feelings don’t die as easily as we wish they did. So let me tell y’all, when you break up with someone (even if it’s a neutral break up) it’s best to cut all ties unless you plan on opening that door again. Here’s why,
YOU NEED SPACE – jumping straight into a friendship after a breakup isn’t going to help the healing process. You need to give yourself time away from your ex and get back to yourself. No matter how long the relationship was, it’s important to get back to a happy medium and grieve your relationships end. You’ve become so used to being a couple, that you have to relearn how to be an individual. It’s hard to do that when you’re still trying to be cordial. Texting and calling each other right away may also seem like a good idea. But it’s not. Give each other some space and then decide if a friendship is what’s best.
JEALOUSY WILL BE A THING – even if you guys decide to be friends there will be boundaries that will have to be set. You’re not going to want to hear about the new person in your ex’s life and vice Versa. Someone will get jealous and that’s pretty normal. If you guys been together for a while seeing them with someone else or even talking about someone else will make that little green monster rear it’s ugly head.
SOMEONE WILL WANT MORE – you may think that by being friends, things will remain strictly platonic. However if your ex does decide to move on and get with someone else, in the back of your mind you may still want another chance. You’ll make every attempt to win them back because that door was never really closed. But the reality is, staying friends was just a nice gesture on their end and they obviously want to move on with someone who isn’t you. Sorry not sorry.
MIXED FEELINGS – when you guys were together you saw all the wrong in your ex. Reasons why you guys broke up and what not. But being friends with them allows you to go back and see all the good in them. Things you may have not noticed before about them. It’ll make you think “why did I ever break up with such a good person” and blah blah blah. All it does is confuse your feelings for them and makes it easier to backslide into whatever it was that you guys had. Don’t let loneliness get you caught up.
YOU WILL HAVE SEX – Lets be real. As I’ve mentioned before, feelings and attraction don’t die as easily as we think they do. Being friends with your ex and going out for links and drinks will almost always have you guys ending up in bed together. It’s really hard to stay platonic friends with someone that you’ve had all these feelings for. ESPECIALLY sexual ones ! Don’t just be an easy piece of ass for them. Ignore the booty call phone calls and move on. Its super cliche but theres so many more fish in the sea. You could toss that one back in the water and pick a new one.
and last but not least
YOU HAVE OTHER FRIENDS – Its so unnecessary to be friends with your ex because you have other friends. You have your school friends, work friends, and whoever else. And lets be real, why would you wanna be friends with someone who broke your heart in the first place ? Some friend right. But no seriously its so pointless. The relationship ended for a reason. There’s no point into holding on to something that doesn’t wanna be held onto. To be honest, the only reason you should really stay friends with your ex is if y’all have kids together and what not. Other than that its completely okay to cut all ties forever.
Seriously we have to stop going backwards and leaving doors open and things unsaid. It doesn’t do anyone any good to keep revisiting old feelings and memories that are attached to your old relationship. Take this time to heal and get over everything that has happened and as I said make new friends. Explore and get back to yourself after a breakup. Don’t depend on your friendship with your ex to help you get over them. Save yourself the heartbreak and move on.
-The Not So Precious Gem