Friends….What Benefits ?

Lets be real. We’ve all done it or tried to do it. Sex with no feelings attached with someone we know. Wether its to get over a break up or just because you’re not ready for a new commitment we go and take this route. “Friends with benefits” as its often referred to is just simply sleeping with someone you consider a friend but not in a serious relationship with. Casual sex if you wanna call it that. Emotionless relations with someone that you don’t even care about. Or if we care about them we want all the relationship perks without the actual commitment.

From my personal experience I’ve realized that theres so many things I could have done differently. So I made a list of 5 Dos and Don’ts that I feel like anyone who’s currently in or thinking about being in a FWB relationship should consider.

DO PROTECT YOURSELF – This goes beyond the whole “use condoms & get tested” speech that your friends may give you. Besides that, its important to protect your feelings and emotions and not allow yourself to get caught up in anything said in the heat of the moment. The whole purpose of the relationship is to have someone to hook up with. Nothing more unless y’all agreed upon something different.

DON’T FEEL COMPELLED TO SLEEPOVER – Once its all said and done its okay to just go home. Cuddling and pillow talking only leads to feelings getting involved. As my friend Melody would say “Don’t get under the covers, its a trap”. All that means is, cuddling is intimate and it could make one or both of you feel things that you didn’t intend to feel.

DON’T ENCOURAGE YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO HANG OUT WITH THEM- This one is pretty much self explanatory. If this is someone you have no intentions on being with in the long run, why introduce them to the people that matter ? When its all over you never wanna hear your mom or best friend ask “so what happened to so & so”. It could open old wounds (especially if it ended badly) and make you relive something that you’re trying to forget.

DO KEEP IT IN THE BEDROOM- meaning if a hook up or casual sex is all you want, leave it right there. Going out for links and drinks can only complicate things further and lead one or both of you into thinking its something more. If y’all are just hooking up, leave it at that.

Which leads me to the most important rule of them all:

DON’T CONVINCE YOURSELF THE RELATIONSHIP IS MORE THAN WHAT IT IS- don’t get confused. When you initially entered the FWB relationship y’all mutually decided that this was all it was going to be. No matter how hard you try not to, one or both parties tend to catch feeling and potentially begin to fall in love. A lot of the time its unavoidable if you’re doing the above mentioned things. Most times its not always the woman who falls in love. But if you’re hooking up with someone and they made it very clear that you’re only a booty call to them, don’t try and convince yourself otherwise. You’re only going to hurt yourself in the long run.

I personally feel like FWB relationship always end badly. Its kind of like how I feel about side chicks. The outcome is never what you think or want it to be. If you do end up spending time with the person and developing actual feelings, you could end up losing a friend. So just think to yourself “is the sex worth losing a good friend over?” A lot of the time its not. But if you insist on jumping into one of these relationships, keep the Dos & Don’ts in the front of your mind and save yourself the heartbreak.

– The Not So Precious Gem