Let’s Talk About Situationships

Fab said it best. “We All had situationships. Good sex bad relationships.” So how is it that we always find our way into one. A situationship can be defined as a friends with benefits kind of setup but with more emotions attached. (At least I think so). It’s like that weird “we’re doing everything a relationship entails but we’re not official.” And if you’ve ever been in one you know how gut reaching they can be. It’s like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster that just never ends. You find yourself living in limbo just trying to figure out where you stand. Forever questioning your position in this other persons life. You’ll constantly hear shit like “what’s understood doesn’t need to be explained” or “a bond is better than a title” (insert super mega eye roll here). Don’t believe the hype.

As I’ve been trying to make my blogs more personal, I’ve reached out to a few friends to try and gain their insight to how they feel about these kinds of situations. One story in particular stood out to me. My friend has been involved with this female for a few months now and thought they were building towards something. I mean they’ve been out on dates, met each other’s closest friends, exchanged gifts for Christmas, had the parked car conversations, even slept together. But as my friend confessed their feelings for this female (while slightly intoxicated), she turned around and told my friend that they’re in a “trial friendship”. At this point my head started to spin. A trial friendship. Wtf is that ? Like you mean to tell me all this shit y’all been doing and y’all not even real friends? I was just as confused as my friend but tried to help them through their situation as Best as I knew how.

My only advice towards these kinds of situations is to remember that YOU come first. Your wants, your needs, your desires come first. YOU COME FIRST. Never compromise who you are because someone else can’t handle what you’re bringing to the table. Or isn’t ready to sit there with you. Sometimes its best to just fall back. As cliche as it may sound, if they can’t appreciate your presence, make them feel your absence. Once you realize you’re doing the most, or giving the most energy it’s time to step back.

It’s easy to get caught up in someone else. Especially when you’re not used to being alone. If you’re a serial monogamist or even someone who always has to have someone, it’s easy to just conform to what your latest “flavor of the moment” wants. That’s how you find yourself in the never ending cycle of “we together but we not together feel me?”

It’s 2018 ladies and what we’re not doing is dealing in situationships, Friends with benefits, side chicks, and everything in between. Once you build a relationship with yourself, and you love yourself as much as you need to, you’ll know what you deserve and won’t settle for nothing less than that. Let’s get It together and do better. Say It with me “ I COME FIRST !” I promise once you start choosing you, everything will make sense.

Until next time…

-The Not So Precious Gem ✨


What They Don’t Tell You About Losing Your Best Friend….

Let’s be real, friendships come and they go. But we all know our best friends will remain forever. Right..? That’s not always the case. Maybe your bestie moved to a new city and you guys barely talk anymore. Or there was a blow out fight and there’s no way in sight to fix it. Either way, friendships come and they go. Losing a best friend is just as painful, if not more than losing a romantic partner. It’s also less talked about. We’ve gotten so okay with the fact that friendships end and are replaceable that we just don’t talk about it. But now its time too..

You have to respect their decision to not be your friend anymore. – If someone doesn’t want to be your friend anymore, that’s their choice. You can’t force anyone to be your friend or to even stay friends with you. Trying too hard can make the entire situation worse and can do more harm than good. But take a minute and ask yourself whether or not you would want to be friends with someone who would rather throw your friendship away, than talk about what’s bothering them and potentially fix it.

It’s not only your loss, it’s theirs as well. – Remember you’re not the only one losing a friend. Your friend is losing you as well. You have to tell yourself and believe that your friendship is valuable and people should be lucky to have someone like you in their life. As much as you may be hurting, they are as well. You shouldn’t only feel sorry for this loss, they should too. If you meant that much to each other it’ll hurt on both ends. Remember it’s not only you that lost a friend.

Realize that people change – Change is a constant part of life and there is no way for you to stop it. You have to look at it this way, maybe you both have changed and evolved into different people and the things that brought you together don’t exist anymore. You both are not the same person you were when y’all initially met and things are no longer the same. Your interest and priorities change and it’s hard to find the same time to dedicate to your friendship. Think about it this way, it’s better things end now than to keep pretending and putting up fronts that ya’ll are still friends.

Don’t burn a bridge that you may need to cross again. – at this point, you probably feel like your ex-bestie means nothing to you, and you’ll never speak to them again. That’s not always the case. None of us know the future and you may one day find yourself in a position where you may need them again or vice versa. To be honest, this person was once the closest thing to you. There’s no need to bad mouth them or bash them on social media. You may not get along now but who knows where y’all will be when its all said and done.

Take time. – There’s no quick fix to get over losing a best friend ! Let me say that one more time. THERE IS NO QUICK FIX TO GETTING OVER LOSING A BEST FRIEND ! A loss is still a loss. Time has a way of bringing clarity to most situations. You just have to find ways to get over it. You’re probably feeling a range of emotions and you have to find a healthy way to let it out. For example, you can write a letter, listen to music, work out, hang out with your other friends, read a book etc. What ever way you choose to cope is up to you, but these feelings have to come out in order for you to move on. You may also feel like the best thing to do is to forget they exist. I promise you it’s not ! Embrace the memories you made with them and the lessons they taught you. Realize that they helped contribute to the person that you are today and that everything happens for a reason. Something better is in the works for you and this is just something you had to go through to get there.

Above all,

You have to accept it and let it go! – As I mentioned earlier, it was their decision not to be friends with you anymore and is something that you both have to accept and live with. It’s ultimately their loss ! When it comes to you having to deal with losing your best friend the simple answer is, you have to let it go. As cliche as it may be “if you love something let it go.” Why walk around carrying all these negative emotions and feelings. There’s no point. All it does is delay the healing process and make things more difficult. It’s possible that things we’re all your fault or your former bestie was wrong. Whatever it was, be able to forgive yourself and start over.

A friendship like any other relationship requires work. It also requires a certain balance to work. Things can’t always be your way or theirs. It takes dedication, communication, compromise and hard work to keep friendship alive and thriving. Sometimes things don’t always work out the way you want them too and you have to let go of the life plans you made with them. This breakup is also just as important as any other you’ve experienced , so don’t let anyone tell you different. Always remember your worst days only have 24 hours and you’re stronger than you think. You’ve gotten through worse &’ I’m sure you’ll get through this too. Stay Strong !

-The Not So Precious Gem


Toxic Relationships…

Have you ever met someone and they instantly took your breath away ? I mean you fell completely in love at first sight, and as time passed it felt like you met your soul mate? Everything was so perfect and you actually felt so safe and secure and you knew this was it ? Then one day it was like a switch flipped and your perfect bubble of peace and happiness turned out to be hell on earth. When it’s all over, said and done, you think back and realize that there were signs you should have picked up on. Things that in hindsight you should have noticed was leading to the ultimate demise of your once perfect relationship. Here are 5 signs *obviously there’s more but these are my 5* that you’re in a toxic relationship and you need to get out and move on.

It’s All GIVE, NO TAKE– You realize that you’re the one giving 100% of everything. No matter what it is, it’s always you giving and never getting the same energy reciprocated. There’s no compromising. Whether it’s time, money etc.. no relationship should be one person doing everything. It’ll leave you drained and feeling like you did nothing but waste time.

THERE’S A LACK OF TRUST– Lemme let y’all in a on a secret. If you don’t have trust in ANY relationship it’s not gonna go anywhere. You can stay in a relationship with no trust but I promise you, it won’t flourish into anything !! Been there done that and never again. If you can’t trust the person you’re with, you need to seriously evaluate why you’re even with them.

THEY’RE UNRELIABLE– They make plans with you and cancel at the last-minute. (Or don’t show up at all). They have hit you with every excuse in the book as to why they couldn’t see you or hang out. Even when it’s plans made in advance or something important, they forever leave you hanging and never make it. Eventually you’ll realize that everything and anything takes precedence over you. Trust me, it won’t get better. Once they start curving you more often than not, just leave. The disappointment you feel isn’t worth it.

YOUR FRIENDS/ FAMILY DON’T LIKE THEM – Now honestly I debated with this one. On one hand, when we’re in love with someone we don’t care if anyone likes them or not. Our opinion is the only one that matters. But lately I’ve noticed when everyone in your circle says the same thing about them, you should take note. They obviously see things that you’re too blind to see. If you find yourself avoiding talking about your relationship to your friends and family or even bringing your partner around, think about why. Everyone isn’t gonna say the same thing for no reason.

And last but not least,

THEY REFUSE TO CHANGE – That whole “It’s just the way I am” is a bunch of bullshit. When people want something to work, they find ways to make it work. Don’t let anyone tell you that they’ve been this way or you knew what you was getting into. If he/she refuses to acknowledge the things that are hurting you or even attempt to change them, you need to go. It’s not gonna get any better.

Honestly, I’ve been here more times than I can count. I never saw the signs until it was too late. Being able to see a situation for what it is, and accept that it isn’t going to change is a blessing. I know it may seem hard to just leave something that you invested your time and energy into. But trust me there’s always something better around the corner. Don’t settle because of the amount of time you spent with someone. Toxic is toxic period. Always remember to stay true to your values and who you are. The sooner you remove yourself from this relationSHIT, you’ll be able to find the person that is meant for you.

Lifestyle · Uncategorized

Outgrowing Friendships & Why Its Okay…

Throughout life we make friends. It’s almost impossible not to. We tend to gravitate towards people who are just like us. Or even people who are our complete opposites. Even the most anti social person on this planet has a circle of friends that they confide in and turn to when things go wrong. But sometimes life has a way of showing you who your real friends are. Not everyone is going to stick by you through everything. Situations are either going to pull you together or break you apart. But one thing I did notice, as we get older our friends change. We may have a few from childhood that are still around, but ultimately everything changes. Let me tell you why:

YOU’RE GOING IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS– Friendships tend to lose their spark once you don’t hold the same interest or values anymore. Sometimes the people you meet during a certain time in your life are supposed to just stay there. The friendship has served its purpose and it’s time to just let it go. If you guys were meant to be friends, your paths will cross again and everything will fall into place. But until then, walk away with the same happy feelings you had move on.

YOU WEREN’T REALLY FRIENDS TO BEGIN WITH – you were just acquaintances. We tend to give the wrong people the “friend” title when it wasn’t really a friendship to begin with. Actual friendships take years of sacrifice, fights and sharing anything and everything about each other. That’s what a real friendship is. If you just hang out with the same people, party and go out drinking, or text faithfully in the group chat, and thats where it ends, NEWSFLASH thats not your friend ! They don’t know what makes you cry when you’re alone. They don’t know how to deal with you when you’re angry, They aren’t someone you would get out of bed for at 3am. etc.  They were just an acquaintance, Not a friend. Let’s stop confusing the two.

THERE’S NO EFFORT BEING MADE – Friendships, just like relationships require some type of effort. Not just making plans and flopping the day of. It requires mutually being there for each other when the sun is shining bright or when the rain won’t stop. It takes work to keep the friendship strong and alive. As we get older and we go into different places in lives and our circles expand and it’s almost impossible to remain friends with everyone you considered a friend. It’s a great thought at first but sometimes other things/people will take precedence over others. If you try to give yourself to everyone you’ll never have time for yourself. In the end you have to make a decision as to who you want around for the long haul and who doesn’t make the cut.

THERE’S GRUDGES BEING HELD – humans can be the most pettiest people alive. No one is perfect and sometimes you or your friends are gonna fuck up and make a mistake (something done once is a mistake anytime after that is a choice BUT WHATEVER..) but sometimes your friends just can’t get over it. Everyone has a breaking point. Sometimes you’ll stop speaking to someone over something small or something big. It all depends on what you feel at the moment. But if the are someone you really consider a friend, why end the friendship over something that can be talked through. Communication is the key in any relationship, friendships included. We shouldn’t lose friends because we aren’t able to communicate effectively what we didn’t like. We’re human. Forgive and move on.

Obviously there are more reasons why we lose friendships as we grow older. But honestly sometimes it’s for the best.I haven’t always been the perfect friend, but thats okay. At every point in your life you are changing and growing. If the people around you aren’t helping contribute to the person you are trying to become, then they can go. Not everyone is meant to be down for the ride. Always remember to never compromise your values for anyone and stay true to whoever you are.

Comment below on reasons why you ended friendships, or left friendships.


What To Do For You In 2017

It’s a new year ! For me, a new year is like a new beginning. When the ball drops its a new opportunity to be better than you were in the previous year. Like most people, I set a few new years resolutions. And like most people I’ve given up on one or two already. But one thing I did notice last year, was that I put way too many people and things before myself. I was catering to everything but me and this year I decided that was going to change. I also feel like a lot of my friends went through this as well. So I compiled a list of a few things you should do for yourself this year.

STOP DOING THINGS YOU HATE – Doing things you hate literally drains you. Whether its the job you hate going to or the people you hate being around, just STOP ! Take some time, look for a new job, find some new friends and go do things you enjoy.

FIND A HOBBY – Take that cooking class, go to the dance workshop, pick up that pencil and start sketching. Whatever it may be, find something you love to do and do it !

STOP CARING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLES OPINIONS – My mother always used to tell me that as long as you’re alive people are going to talk about you. Even when you die they’re still going to have something to say. So fuck it and fuck them. Who cares what anyone has to say about how you live YOUR life ! I promise once you stop caring about what people are going to think/say if/when you do something, your life will be so much better.

TRAVEL MORE – Invest in a passport ! It will be the best thing you can do. There is so much too see in this world. So many museums, malls, music, food, clubs, culture etc. to experience. Yes I know that traveling cost money so make a plan to save money. Whether its a trip to the next state or half way across the world, its worth experiencing. So call your bae, get your friends, or gather your family (the ones you can tolerate anyway) and plan your dream trip. I swear the world is bigger than Brooklyn and Miami.

READ MORE – Books are more accessible now. There’s Kindles, Ebooks, and your cell phone has an APP for you to download books from. You can read on your commute to work, during your lunch break or to wind down before bed. Last year I was able to read 14 books. (My personal goal was to read at least 1 book a month, this year it has increased to 2 books but we’ll see lol). Pick up a book and educate yourself on a topic you don’t know anything about, or learn more about something you have an interest in. Get lost in a really good book and escape reality for a while.

SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF – Sometimes we encounter situations where we wish we would have spoken up or done something differently. Or when people try to peer pressure you into things. It’s okay to say No and not explain why. You really have to stop letting people walk all over you. Remember that what you allow is what will continue.

GET RID OF TOXIC FRIENDS AND FAMILY – We have those people in our lives that constantly put us down or make us feel bad about ourselves. Or try and judge everything we set out to do. Or even discourage us from doing the things we love ! Tell them to fuck off. It’s okay I swear. We have to stop letting toxic people get in our heads. These people aren’t your friends, and honestly you don’t have to deal with them if they’re your family either. Negative people will always be around and its up to you to not let them be. Do a social media cleanse, get rid of the “frenemies” , or even the people you don’t like. No need to keep them around. The only people you need around you are the people that want to be, the people that push you, and motivate you to be better. Let everyone else watch your glow up from a distance. #PositiveVibesOnly

last but not least

BE HAPPY – I know it’s easier said than done, but this is the most important. One thing I learned from last year is that you have to be your own happiness. No one can be that for you. People are disappointments sometimes and the quicker you learn that another human can’t be the source of your happiness (besides your child/ren) you’ll understand. Smile more. Laugh at corny jokes. Be more honest with your opinions and just speak your truth. It’s okay to be unapologetically you !!

These are just a few simple things you can do for yourself over the course of this year and even years to come. As I said in the beginning you have to put yourself before everything and everyone. Be selfish with you, your time, your feelings, and whatever else. Let it be all about you 2017 !

– The Not So Precious Gem


New Year..Same Domonique !

2016 was honestly a very challenging, trying and testing year for me. The bad did outweigh the good. But I made it through. I lost friends. I learned so much about myself, but I didn’t really accomplish the things I set out to at the beginning of the year. Let’s take a moment to reflect.

If y’all know me personally then you know I’m such a drama queen. I’m super dramatic and I probably over react to little things. I’m super stubborn and a lot of the time if it’s not my way I don’t want to do it lol. My main goal for 2016 was to be more self aware and let’s just say I really learned a lot about myself. Over the course of the year I really got to know me and fell in love with the person I’ve become. In my 24 years of life this was the one year that I learned so much about who I really am.

In 2016 I wanted to be in a relationship. I did date someone over this year and trust me that was the most emotional rollercoaster I’ve ever been on. Extremely emotional ! But some of the best memories I had in 2016 was because of them, so it wasn’t all bad. Not sure where the new year will take us but that’s the beauty of it all. Ima be honest with you guys. Like most people, I give the greatest advice, but can’t take my own. In previous post, I gave y’all rules about Friends with benefits &’ side chicks but I participated in both. I mean that’s why I was able to write about it (lol). But one thing I did notice, relationships are hard work ! They aren’t something to take lightly. This year I just wasn’t ready for all of that. But I’m optimistic about what 2017 will bring in the relationship department.

It wasn’t all bad though. I’ve most certainly had some good times. My family is in good health. My mom was able to buy a house. I got to travel thanks to my amazing Grandmother. My aunt Neva and I are closer than ever. I went to see Rihanna in concert thanks to my little Imani. My Line Sister Tsunami and I had so many amazing bonding moments that solidified the bond we already had. My Sister Jazz and I crossed our first line together, which introduced me to my amazing Little Tiara &’ my adorable Grandlittle Alley. MGC &’ YOT are still going strong &’ Team Pree has made it another year to slay.

Most of all I started my blog ! With the push of my fave Kandi and my WT Titan my dream of writing and actually getting people to read it, became a reality. I’ve had some amazing support so far and I know that 2017 will only be better. More success and more blunt and honest content for you guys. I appreciate every single person who takes the time out to read and share my post. In this coming year I will be putting out bigger and better and giving you guys the real !

My only resolution for 2017 is to find the silver lining in everything. To promote more positive vibes and smile more. To only cry happy tears and to leave any situation that isn’t bringing me happiness. Most of all it’s to put me before anything else.

So goodbye 2016 and hello 2017 ! I’m beyond ready for you.

What are some of your New Years resolutions ?
Feel free to comment below and share !


They Cheated..Now What?

Let’s be honest… well no. Let me be honest. I have had my fair share of relationships, situationships and all around whatever with people. I’m not gonna bash any of my ex’s in this post but they may feel a way of they read this. Oh well (lol). Now I’ve been cheated on (I’ve also done the cheating – I’m not perfect but whatever) probably more times than I can even remember. My problem is that I’m too forgiving. Always believing in second, third, fourth, even fifteen chances. But what happens when you can’t move past the Infidelity. From my experience (as I mentioned before I can only give you guys the real) I’ve come up with a few ways to get over a cheating partner.

DON’T WASTE TIME TRYING TO GET EVEN – this should be the most obvious. If you decide to stay, what’s the point. You cheating on your partner isn’t going to make you feel better (trust me I know). You waste so much time trying to make them hurt like you did, or make them feel the same pain of betrayal that you felt. It doesn’t make anything any easier.

If you decide to leave, again what’s the point. You’re leaving the relationship anyway, So why try and get even. You may think that by sleeping with their friend or someone close to them, that you may walk away feeling better. But honestly it makes you just as wack as they are for cheating. Just move on with your dignity in tact and level up. Make sure your next is better than your ex. That’s the best revenge you could ever get !

DON’T BLAME YOURSELF  – This is the most important. Its not your fault that they cheated. There’s nothing wrong with you! It’s easy to feel like something you did caused them to step out with someone else. Honestly if they cheated, chances are they needed no reason to do so except that THEY WANTED TO. The sooner you can understand this, it’ll make the healing process go quicker. Accept what happened, distance yourself from them until you get your emotions under control and then decide whats next.

Also don’t blame the person your partner cheated with. Your first instinct is to blame them and divert all your anger to them but honestly it’s not their fault. A lot of the time the person didn’t even know about you. But even if they did, they didn’t make a commitment to you. Your partner did. So all the anger and hurt should be directed towards them.

DON’T LET OTHERS INFLUENCE YOUR DECISION – Whether you choose to stay in your relationship or leave it alone, it’s up to you. Not your partner. Not your family. Not your friends. The decision is yours and yours alone to make. Now you’re not wrong for opening up to your circle of friends or bringing it up in the group chat to get your girls opinions. But do remember that once you tell everyone your business you allow them to have an opinion on the situation. Also remember that your friends and family want what’s best for you, but only you know what’s the best thing to do for you !

Last but not least

FORGIVE THEM !!!!!!! – this is one of the most important things that you can do for you as well. If you decide to stay, forgiveness is not going to come overnight. It’s going to take a while before all that hurt and anger is gone. But if you do decide to continue your relationship, you have to actually forgive them. Not bringing it up whenever you get into an argument. Not trying to make them jump through hoops to make things okay. You have to actually give them a chance to gain your trust back and make your relationship stronger.

If you decide to leave, you still have to forgive them. Holding on to all that hurt is only going to hinder your next relationship. That’s a set of baggage you don’t need to carry with you. Forgive them and move on and be better.

Honestly it took me a while to get over my ex who cheated. I thought I was over it when I really wasn’t. I prematurely forgave him when I wasn’t ready too. I thought that things would have been able to go back to how it was before everything happened but that wasn’t true. Although there is more to the story, I know what not to do next time. But hopefully now you do too.

Leave a comment below and let me know what steps you took if you were ever in this situation.