Fab said it best. “We All had situationships. Good sex bad relationships.” So how is it that we always find our way into one. A situationship can be defined as a friends with benefits kind of setup but with more emotions attached. (At least I think so). It’s like that weird “we’re doing everything a relationship entails but we’re not official.” And if you’ve ever been in one you know how gut reaching they can be. It’s like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster that just never ends. You find yourself living in limbo just trying to figure out where you stand. Forever questioning your position in this other persons life. You’ll constantly hear shit like “what’s understood doesn’t need to be explained” or “a bond is better than a title” (insert super mega eye roll here). Don’t believe the hype.
As I’ve been trying to make my blogs more personal, I’ve reached out to a few friends to try and gain their insight to how they feel about these kinds of situations. One story in particular stood out to me. My friend has been involved with this female for a few months now and thought they were building towards something. I mean they’ve been out on dates, met each other’s closest friends, exchanged gifts for Christmas, had the parked car conversations, even slept together. But as my friend confessed their feelings for this female (while slightly intoxicated), she turned around and told my friend that they’re in a “trial friendship”. At this point my head started to spin. A trial friendship. Wtf is that ? Like you mean to tell me all this shit y’all been doing and y’all not even real friends? I was just as confused as my friend but tried to help them through their situation as Best as I knew how.
My only advice towards these kinds of situations is to remember that YOU come first. Your wants, your needs, your desires come first. YOU COME FIRST. Never compromise who you are because someone else can’t handle what you’re bringing to the table. Or isn’t ready to sit there with you. Sometimes its best to just fall back. As cliche as it may sound, if they can’t appreciate your presence, make them feel your absence. Once you realize you’re doing the most, or giving the most energy it’s time to step back.
It’s easy to get caught up in someone else. Especially when you’re not used to being alone. If you’re a serial monogamist or even someone who always has to have someone, it’s easy to just conform to what your latest “flavor of the moment” wants. That’s how you find yourself in the never ending cycle of “we together but we not together feel me?”
It’s 2018 ladies and what we’re not doing is dealing in situationships, Friends with benefits, side chicks, and everything in between. Once you build a relationship with yourself, and you love yourself as much as you need to, you’ll know what you deserve and won’t settle for nothing less than that. Let’s get It together and do better. Say It with me “ I COME FIRST !” I promise once you start choosing you, everything will make sense.
Until next time…
-The Not So Precious Gem ✨